the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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