Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
