see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
