I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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