youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
