dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
