peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
