Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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