WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
