my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
