Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize