Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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