you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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