you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
