Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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