I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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