I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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