Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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