My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
