We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize