My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
