like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
