i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
