Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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