So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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