I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have fence marks all over my body
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
