I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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