She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
