So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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