while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You made out with two different species that night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
