So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize