There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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