i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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