her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
