Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
