Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love black thongs
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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