I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
