have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
