Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
