Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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