i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
