Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize