I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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