She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
