I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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