why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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