Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
