I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize