She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
