i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize