I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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