State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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