ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
