i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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