We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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