i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
