Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
