Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
