Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
