I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
