Sponge bath it is.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
