Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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