whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
