i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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