I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
