Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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