I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
