I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
